dad are i

By Hazel Jobs

To Steve Jobs

           .... Dad.....

  Today I was remembering a lot of bad things that happened to me..... When I was a kid I couldn't bear to have my hand on me taking off my clothes was the end .... I knew that if I got naked or if I if I went to the doctor they would give me medicines that I didn't need just to be with me to be able to be mean to me....But I fought until my strength ran out because I was just a child but they had no pity for me and no consideration with me because they just wanted to hurt me, I remember going to a health center to see me and the doctor was a man and he asked me to take off my shirt to examine myself and I started screaming and shaking I didn't know what why was i screaming but i knew something was wrong..

That day I didn't go up to tell the doctor why I didn't want to take off my shirt and from the screams I just knew it was bad.... When I got home my grandmother beat me so much that when I went to take a shower blood flowed from my body...

She told me that if someone asked me to take my clothes off, it was to take them off and do what they asked me to do otherwise I would be beaten but from what I had caught....That day I slept on the cold floor without a blanket, the rats passing by over me and I swallowing my tears and asking God to rescue me, there were days when between staying hidden without eating and staying at home being beaten and being exploited I preferred to hide when I realized that hiding was worse I started to eat a lot to look ugly because then no one would mess with me, because my theory was right! After I got ugly and fat, they didn't affect me, but after years of being fat and ugly, now that I'm on diets, physical exercises, I've lost a lot of weight.....But my traumas only God can heal me, only God can help me with that because it still hurts a lot because every time I think about it or close my eyes and try to find a justification for the amount of evil they did to me I get very sad because I'm not bad, if my mother had given it to me for you I would never abandon her and my maternal family....But God knows why I had to grow up far away from you.....I didn't have the opportunity to experience your grief, I couldn't dance 15-year-old pants with you ! I couldn't do so many things, today I am the father and mother of my son Matheus, and it is for him that I fight with more strength and determination!

  Kisses from your princess Hazel!